so today is Easter. Easter day was the last time anyone in my family saw my dad last year. one thing that i have been grieving is the fact that i wont be able to properly mourn his death on the 15th (the actual day he passed) bc i will be in recovery. so i have decided today i am going to say the things i would have said on the 15th in honor of my daddy.
i woke up this morning thinking about the light he had in his eyes. he would light up every single time he saw me. every single time i had any pain or hurt he would tell me that he would give me his heart if he could. he would take on every bit of pain i had if he could. whenever i was bad or needed a little paddling as a child i can remember after he did it he would always have me sit in his lap and he would hold me so tight and tell me that doing that was way harder for him than it was for me. i can remember him saying that with tears in his eyes.
whenever i was going anywhere special and needed to dress up he would always have me come down and show him my outfit and twirl around (even as a adult he did this) and he would just beam with pride and say "oooh, look at my little girl, you look SO beautiful!" and then he would hug me so tight~
every single morning as a small child my mom would carry me into their bed and i would wake up slowly with my daddy with his big strong warm arms wrapped around me. i always felt so safe and so secure and cared for. i never once doubted that i was loved.
he was so proud of my husband will too, he LOVED to brag on will and tell everyone that he was a "rock star" anytime will was playing on one of the tv shows, every single person in town would know about it! he adored my husband.
will has had people ask if he was scared or intimidated to ask my daddy for my hand in marriage (which he was scared and he was nervous that my dad would question the fact that he was a self employed musician and how would he provide for me) and i love to hear him tell the story bc will says that my dad was so warm and so kind and he told will that any man that ruthie picks has to be the most special guy she knows. he totally and fully trusted my decision and he welcomed will in with huge open arms.
i will never forget my wedding day and him seeing me for the first time in my dress. he was shaking with joy and excitement. he almost dropped his gin and tonic he was so excited! when we were about walk down the aisle he was beaming, almost glowing and he was shaking and squeezing my hand so hard and just kept patting my hand and telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me and how much God loves me.
Every single day when i was leaving his presence he would say, i love you more than God can count. remember your manners and dont forget about the little guy!
he always had a huge heart for the least among us. every single place we would go, people would light up to see him, children would surround him and he would blow his "whistle" for them. he was known every where we went. he would always make time to stop and talk with everyone he saw, no matter how busy he was.
he loved taking me to lunch at the magnolia cafe, he loved taking me around his office and "showing me off" to every person we saw. they would all say, "oh i hear so much about you!" he doted on me every second he got.
after my father died, people came out of the woodwork to tell stories about how my father had showed them love. girls told us how my daddy bought them their homecoming and prom dresses. people told us about how my dad paid for them to go on their senior trip. my godfather told us that my dad would take out loans for the sole purpose of giving the money away to people in need. we had different kids living with us in our house at different times.
i mourn the fact that my children will never know their papa. i dont feel like i can possibly begin to tell them all the amazing stories of their papa. i am so honored to say that i am the daughter of lloyd lindsey jr.
my earthly father was the most beautiful picture of our heavenly fathers love. i could not have asked for a more incredible picture of selfless, unconditional love. i miss my daddy so much. i feel like i have a broken place in my heart for him.
my sweet mom, 2 older brothers and aunt are all flying in monday to be with me for my surgery on tuesday, i am so very appreciative of them being here with will and i. they all carry with them pieces of my daddy and in some way thru them being here i feel like my daddy is here with them also.
so today is Easter, we get to rejoice today that our Jesus rose again!! how blessed am i to know a God who suffered so much for me! my sweet daddy would say he would give me his heart but my heavenly father really did! he gave his whole life, he felt all the same fears and pains and so much more than i can even imagine! i am walking into a extremely scary surgery on tuesday, my life as i know it can be changed forever, but i have to hope and believe that God knows exactly what is going to happen to me, my life seems so out of control, there are just so many unknowns for my future right now, i wish i could say i trust the Lord fully and i know He will take care of me, but honestly i dont. i have so much fear about my future, i do not want my precious husband to have to take care of me for the rest of my life! i dont ever want to be a burden on my family and loved ones, it scared me to the core of my being. please pray for peace and that i will hold onto the truth and not give into my panicky fears. God is so much greater than my fears. i hope you all had such a wonderful beautiful Easter sunday. we will be in touch soon once we know more about my surgery! many thanks, ruthie