Sunday, April 4, 2010

friday was really pretty harmless, we were at mayo around 7am. they ended up canceling some of the tests they were going to run so all and all it wasnt that bad. it was kind of funny bc when i had my x rays done, the guy doing them, came over to me and was like, "mam, do you know that you have a wire sticking in your neck? i have never seen anything like this in my life!" i just laughed and said, yes, thats why im here~ i honestly felt the peace and love that everyone has been praying for me. i cant begin to explain how undeserving and humbled i feel by all the love and tender words and prayers everyone is sending my way. it truly blows my mind! i cant get over such amazing love.
so today is Easter. Easter day was the last time anyone in my family saw my dad last year. one thing that i have been grieving is the fact that i wont be able to properly mourn his death on the 15th (the actual day he passed) bc i will be in recovery. so i have decided today i am going to say the things i would have said on the 15th in honor of my daddy.
i woke up this morning thinking about the light he had in his eyes. he would light up every single time he saw me. every single time i had any pain or hurt he would tell me that he would give me his heart if he could. he would take on every bit of pain i had if he could. whenever i was bad or needed a little paddling as a child i can remember after he did it he would always have me sit in his lap and he would hold me so tight and tell me that doing that was way harder for him than it was for me. i can remember him saying that with tears in his eyes.
whenever i was going anywhere special and needed to dress up he would always have me come down and show him my outfit and twirl around (even as a adult he did this) and he would just beam with pride and say "oooh, look at my little girl, you look SO beautiful!" and then he would hug me so tight~
every single morning as a small child my mom would carry me into their bed and i would wake up slowly with my daddy with his big strong warm arms wrapped around me. i always felt so safe and so secure and cared for. i never once doubted that i was loved.
he was so proud of my husband will too, he LOVED to brag on will and tell everyone that he was a "rock star" anytime will was playing on one of the tv shows, every single person in town would know about it! he adored my husband.
will has had people ask if he was scared or intimidated to ask my daddy for my hand in marriage (which he was scared and he was nervous that my dad would question the fact that he was a self employed musician and how would he provide for me) and i love to hear him tell the story bc will says that my dad was so warm and so kind and he told will that any man that ruthie picks has to be the most special guy she knows. he totally and fully trusted my decision and he welcomed will in with huge open arms.
i will never forget my wedding day and him seeing me for the first time in my dress. he was shaking with joy and excitement. he almost dropped his gin and tonic he was so excited! when we were about walk down the aisle he was beaming, almost glowing and he was shaking and squeezing my hand so hard and just kept patting my hand and telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me and how much God loves me.
Every single day when i was leaving his presence he would say, i love you more than God can count. remember your manners and dont forget about the little guy!
he always had a huge heart for the least among us. every single place we would go, people would light up to see him, children would surround him and he would blow his "whistle" for them. he was known every where we went. he would always make time to stop and talk with everyone he saw, no matter how busy he was.
he loved taking me to lunch at the magnolia cafe, he loved taking me around his office and "showing me off" to every person we saw. they would all say, "oh i hear so much about you!" he doted on me every second he got.
after my father died, people came out of the woodwork to tell stories about how my father had showed them love. girls told us how my daddy bought them their homecoming and prom dresses. people told us about how my dad paid for them to go on their senior trip. my godfather told us that my dad would take out loans for the sole purpose of giving the money away to people in need. we had different kids living with us in our house at different times.
i mourn the fact that my children will never know their papa. i dont feel like i can possibly begin to tell them all the amazing stories of their papa. i am so honored to say that i am the daughter of lloyd lindsey jr.
my earthly father was the most beautiful picture of our heavenly fathers love. i could not have asked for a more incredible picture of selfless, unconditional love. i miss my daddy so much. i feel like i have a broken place in my heart for him.
my sweet mom, 2 older brothers and aunt are all flying in monday to be with me for my surgery on tuesday, i am so very appreciative of them being here with will and i. they all carry with them pieces of my daddy and in some way thru them being here i feel like my daddy is here with them also.
so today is Easter, we get to rejoice today that our Jesus rose again!! how blessed am i to know a God who suffered so much for me! my sweet daddy would say he would give me his heart but my heavenly father really did! he gave his whole life, he felt all the same fears and pains and so much more than i can even imagine! i am walking into a extremely scary surgery on tuesday, my life as i know it can be changed forever, but i have to hope and believe that God knows exactly what is going to happen to me, my life seems so out of control, there are just so many unknowns for my future right now, i wish i could say i trust the Lord fully and i know He will take care of me, but honestly i dont. i have so much fear about my future, i do not want my precious husband to have to take care of me for the rest of my life! i dont ever want to be a burden on my family and loved ones, it scared me to the core of my being. please pray for peace and that i will hold onto the truth and not give into my panicky fears. God is so much greater than my fears. i hope you all had such a wonderful beautiful Easter sunday. we will be in touch soon once we know more about my surgery! many thanks, ruthie


  1. Ruthie, thanks for this post; I love being able to follow your life when you're so far away. Your Dad was obviously a wonderful man who affected people's lives with his joy. I never met him, but I am not surprised, because I see the same characteristics in you.


  2. Ruthie,
    Wett and I sat in church yesterday with Lile and Libby. In front of us were Big Wett, Marsha, and Mary Margaret and Betsy, and Jamie. Then Laura and Tim and Bob and Raven, and in front of them the Hursts and the LeBlancs. Midway through church we had a throng of "little people". A whole cheering/praying section for you. The whole congregation of Grace Church remembered you and your surgery and said prayers for you. I know God listened, not just to us, but to everyone all over the world. So many people are lifting you up to the Lord. We all thought of sweet, wonderful Lloyd and how much he loved you. He is watching over all of this.
    I am so proud of you, Ruthie. You have had such trials and yet you show so much grace and love. You have Lloyd's strength. What a gift.
    May the Lord bless you, my sweet girl. I love you. I am waiting for good news!
    Ms. Sally

  3. Ruthie, I will be praying for you! This post is such a beautiful tribute to your love for your father. It should be published in a book for men who want to be great dads, so that they can "see" what a father's love for his daughter looks like, and how they can emulate that and be inspired to do the same. You are a blessing. Thank you for sharing your story. Will be praying!!

  4. Ruthie - I miss your Dad even though I hardly knew him. In many ways he felt like a such a kindred spirit. I hope that I can love my girls that well. We're thinking about you and Will alot and praying too of course. Jesus is able.

  5. Ruthie,

    Thank you for sharing such sweet memories of your Dad. I am so grateful to have met him on a few was so obvious how much he adored you! He was clearly an amazing man that radiated Christ's love.

    Praying the power that raised Christ from the dead restores you fully!

    Much love,

  6. Ruthie - such special memories of your dad. Thank you for sharing them. I pray the memory & on-going effects of his love bring you joy, even in times of grief.

    We're so thankful to God that Friday went as well as it did & continue to keep you in our prayers as this week progresses.

    Much love, Cassie.

  7. nothin' like some big crocodile tears to get your Monday going ;)

    thank you for sharing this beautiful account of the love, love, love you and your sweet daddy share. it is inspiring. for sure.

    love you sweet girl and will be praying for you tomorrow BIG TIME!


  8. so precious! thanks ruthie. ive been praying and thinking about you so much...

  9. Ruthie, from first the time I met you, our Savior beamed forth from you: from your smile, from your laughter, from your caring heart. I will pray today that the same Savior will calm all your fears and take you by the hand into the great unknown. And, though, none of our futures on earth is known, our ETERNAL future is known! And the living hope that Christ gave us through His resurrection shapes how we view all our trials, pains and sorrows in this life. What a blessing that we know how this life ends! Not with tears, but with joy! May He give you the peace that only He can give and which surpasses even our understanding!

  10. We love you Ruthie!!
    Thanks for the update.
    Matt, Dolly, and Maggie Mae

  11. Ruthie,
    Thanks for updating and for sharing about your Dad. He sounds like a real role model for other Daddies. Will be praying for all you asked. Love you and will be lifting you up all this week.
    Love, Gill

  12. What an awesome story God has written for you, friend. He has been so faithful to know you and love you that I pray it is that evidence that sustains you in the days to come. He loves you, He knows you, He keeps you. Praying for wisdom for your surgeons and for peace, rest and confidence for you and Will. Love to you guys-


  13. All I can think of right now is the song Amazing Grace b/c I sing it every night to Crawford and Henry. God's grace relieves our fears...even if you don't feel them being relieved. Michael and I are praying for you and Will and all the doctors. We love you. And I smile through tears as I think about your dad. I wish I had known him.

  14. Ruthie, we haven't met yet, but have sooo many mutual friends. I just want you to know that we're praying for you up here in Indiana and hoping/believing/standing with you for the best possible outcome for your surgery.

    Your blog is beautiful and your tribute to your daddy brought tears to my eyes, more than once. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here on your blog. When I read your words, it made me wish I had known him, and that's the best testimonial to his character you could give. I am sure he remains so, so proud of you.

    We will be lifting you up tomorrow!
    Angela Nasby

  15. Ruthie, your words about your father and his love for you are incredibly poignant. I hope you have a verse in your memory for tomorrow that you can turn to and hide in as you start your day. God will surely be faithful to comfort you through His word.

    ~For You alone oh LORD make me to dwell in safety.~

    ~You are my hiding place. You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance. Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.~

    I will pray that He will be your strength, and the strength for your family!