Wednesday, March 31, 2010

crunch time

i am overwhelmed, overwhelmed by everything that is coming, overwhelmed by our community's outpour of love and goodness onto us, overwhelmed to not have my daddy walking with me thru this time, so many things overwhelm me right now. yesterday i was driving to meet with my tuesday night group for the last time and i was struck with the sense that this is so easy for me right now but within a week i wont be able to get up and go, i wont be able to drive for atleast 6 months, i will be dependent on my loved ones to care for me. that is a very humbling and sobering thought, i have always been SO independent. i left home for a month for summer camp when i was only 8 yrs old and loved every second of it! i am scared, and i am overwhelmed and i have lots of fears. i have been dreading this friday. that is the day i will have all of my tests run. i have pretty severe post traumatic stress from being in the hospital in high school and from watching my daddy die in the hospital. hospitals are a huge trigger for me....i usually panic pretty bad the second i start having any tests run. but yesterday when i was driving in the most beautiful weather i believe the Lord gave me a image in my head. i was reminded that this friday, the day i have been dreading, is also a really amazingly special day. it is Good Friday. this friday is the day we remember what our heavenly Father did for us on the cross. He suffered the most unbearable death and suffering on that day. He chose to give his life in the most horrific way so that i could live and be free. the fact that he took on my brokenness so that i could be healed and righteous and free is the greatest gift i could ever ask for. im ashamed at how often i forget that truth and feel so sorry for myself and act so pitiful. But i have so much to be thankful for, i have been given such a beautiful life, i have the most amazing family, most incredible husband, and the greatest community of friends i could ever imagine or ask for. i am humbled and thankful today. i hope to keep remembering and holding on to such truths. i need the gospel every minute. i forget so quickly and fall into complete hopelessness and fear. i know the truth in my head and i want to choose to remember it in my heart. my heart is so weak and broken and fragile. please pray for peace for me, please pray that i will remember the my Lord has not forgotten me or forsaken me and will take care of me thru these hard times.
i never ever want to preach at people so i am sorry if this feels like a sermon, i am just writing how i am feeling right now and it helps to me remind myself of these truths.
will and i leave tomorrow morning to fly to rochester. i have to be at mayo at 700am friday morning. one other thing i would so appreciate your prayers for, i would love to not have to wear a halo when i get out. a halo is a very intense gadget for holding your neck steady that they screw into your head. iwould much rather wear a neck brace for obvious reasons. it is much less invasive . it will all depend on how sturdy my neck is after the surgery...
thank you again for your prayers and sweet words of encouragement. they keep me going~ many blessings, ruthie


  1. Ruthie,
    I'm sure you are on every church prayer list in WF Parish. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think about you and pray for you. I can't imagine the anxiety that you must be feeling about the surgery, but also think about the joy of being able to put all the physical pain and discomfort behind. May God grant you his healing and his peace.
    Mike & Jean Clark

  2. Ruthie,

    Thank you for sharing your heart.What an amazing woman you are! I love you so much and will continue to pray for you every day and for your specific desires. We are here for you when you get back will continue to walk with you every step of the way.


  3. ruthie, i will certainly pray for you as you have your tests and your surgery. please know that your post did not come across like a sermon, as you mentioned, but instead as a great encouragement and reminder of Christ's sacrifice and love for us. thank you for sharing this and for helping me to remember my wholeness in Christ as Good Friday and Easter Sunday approach. So many people will be praying for you on Friday - know that you are loved! Elizabeth Boyd

  4. I am praying for you Ruthie. Please let us know through Ali Burkum if you need anything while you're in Minnesota... We don't live far from Mayo and would love to help in any way. You're strength and faith inspire me.
    Peace to you...
    Alison Rae

  5. Oh, Ruthie...such beautiful truths the Spirit is helping you preach to yourself and share and encourage US even! I am praying you remember them every minute.

    Much love,

  6. Sweet Ruthie,
    I had no idea any of this was going on until I got an email from Leslie yesterday. I am praying for you continuously through this! Your blog is wonderful and inspiring - I can't wait to read updates! We will be praying that you feel the Holy spirit all over you in that hospital and that you feel nothing but His love. Blessings are awaiting you!!
    Kristin Garrett Bentley