Monday, April 27, 2009


i so appreciate it when you guys comment, it means a ton to me that you care to read what i have to say...i just have a favor to ask, would you mind signing your name when you post something, alot of times i cant tell who wrote it...thanks a ton!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

23 psalm

i would not consider myself a anxious person, but of late i often feel very anxious, scared and in full on panic mode~ i am so scared for my future. i do not want my husband and family to have to take care of me the rest of my life. it fears me to the core of my being! tonight i was feeling all of these thoughts and felt really sick to my stomach, i kept praying over and over, "Lord, please please take care of me, please comfort me, please give me peace." finally i opened my bible and it opened to the 23 psalm.  

The LORD Is My Shepherd

23The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green [1] pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest [2] my head with oil; my cup runneth over.6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of theLord for ever. [3]

i read it aloud several times until i calmed down, only the Lord can calm my soul and comfort me.  

dearest friends

i came home to nashville tonight to a home that had been re decorated by my dear friend evie, cleaned by my sweet friends leslie and abby, food from katie, chandeliers hung by the moak's, flowers from evie, and the sweet faces of all of these precious girls plus katherine! it made coming back to nashville feel alot better, i think a big part of me feels anxious to have left st francisville and my family, it sort of made everything feel finalized.. dont really know how to explain it, but i know it makes me feel very sad. i am so blessed to have such precious friends in my life who have loved me so very well, i keep asking the Lord to please show up and i think that one of the ways he is doing this is by giving me such wonderful friends. i am also SO touched bc the other day i got an email from my friend talitha and she said that she and kristen dabbs are going to organize a benefit concert here in nashville for me to raise money for my surgery! i am so touched and so honored by this that i hardly have words! it is quite a humbling experience, all of this. it is quite hard to receive. i am ready to be able to be on the other side and to give!
all of this to say, i am deeply touched by the rich love i feel from my dear friends and family, all the sweet notes, the around the clock prayers, phone calls, texts, emails, etc...i know how richly blessed i am! im sorry that i have not personally responded to everyone but please know how much it all means to me and i hold every word near and dear to my heart! feeling very loved, ruthie

Thursday, April 23, 2009

my sweet dad

somehow this blog made it to my email, its from a man out of texas..he had a lot of wonderful things to say about my sweet daddy...its incredible how many people from all around have been touched by my fathers life...its been such an honor to hear all the stories! i have been thinking alot about how sad i am that if will and i are ever able to have our own children they will never get to know their papa..i think i am going to get a journal to write down as many memories that i can think are just a few... every single day growing up whenever i would leave my daddy's presence he would always say, "i love you more than God can count, remember your manners, and always look out for the little guy" i rode to school every day with him and we use to always play this game where i would hold his two fingers as tight as i could and the second i loosened up he would try and jerk them out...i think it was just an excuse for me to hold his hand:) he always use to come into my room to watch me sleep and ck on me, so many times i could hear him crying just watching me...i never ever ever doubted my fathers unconditional love for me, he told me every single time he saw me or talked to me...and i always new how proud he was of me, he supported every single thing i did and bragged on me every chance he father was such a beautiful picture of our heavenly fathers love...uncondtional love that would sacrifice all things for his children...i talked to my dad the day that he died, he was coming to see me the next day on his way home. he had told many people that he was coming to tell me that he was going to do whatever he needed to do to make my surgery happen, he said that he would sell everything he had~ how undeserving am i to have a father who loved me that much??!! there are so many thousands of wonderful memories..these are just a tiny few...i am so honored to say i am the daughter of lloyd lile lindsey jr!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

dr visit

so, on monday i had a really hard dr visit with a neurologist here in baton a nut shell he told me that my neck is as bad as any he has ever seen. that i already have a lot of signs in my hands and feet of spinal cord damage that prob cant be fixed...that the surgery that i have to have will very likely make my situation way worse and make me a lot less functional. but if i dont do it then i will certainly get way worse with time...apparently the broken piece of hardware in my neck is pointing directly into my spinal cord at c2 and its a really really bad was alot to take in, and im not sure that i have still fully grasped it...the reason i am mainly telling this is bc i know that i need my friends and family to be standing with me in faith that this wont be the case....i dont have alot of faith or hope right now so im asking you to stand with and for means more than you know...
we also need prayer to find the right dr....none of the 6 dr's who have seen my films so far have ever seen a case like mine...not too comforting!! please pray with us to find the right guy that i can feel comfortable and confident with...thanks so much, ruthie

so touched

i first wanted everyone to know how touched my family and i have been by all the messages, calls, letters, food, kind words, etc...about my sweet dad...i have been amazed by the 1,ooo's who have stories of how my dad has touched their lives and made them feel loved and cared for...what a man! He will be greatly missed by so many..i am so honored to have a daddy like mine!
here is one of many news clips on my precious daddy~