CREATIVITY!!!

so i first want to apologize for how long i am going between posts~ it has been such a long time, but i have been REALLY BUSY! some really exciting things are happening over here in nashville. so first off, i have started 2 little businesses in the last few months, the first being my skin care. i offer glycolic peels with a mini facial. i go to peoples homes and am able to spend really sweet time with people which i love. i basically have designed it in a way that is the least amount of stress on my back as possible.

secondly about a month ago i decided i really wanted a hair piece made out of an old 50's pin i found at a thrift store. i made it and got really amazing feedback on it and was asked to make some for other friends. from there a small little business was formed...i basically make really fun hair pieces out of all vintage 40's 50's and 60's jewelry. Right now they are being sold at Fruition Salon and Emmaline Boutique in nashville and next week they are going to be sold at Grandmothers Buttons in st francisville~ i feel so honored to have these stores want to carry these hair clips, it has been such a fun creative outlet for me and it excites me even more bc this is something that i will be able to continue doing after my surgery. six months ago i would never have called myself an "artist or designer" being surrounded by so many amazingly talented friends here in nashville (not to mention my incredible drummer husband) has for sure intimidated me. i believe after everything imploded 6 months ago with finding out about my neck and the upcoming surgery and then losing my daddy just weeks later, i had to set my thoughts on things that were beautiful and heavenly. i dont know that it was even intentional. but for the first time i began taking each day as a gift and wanting to use my gifts and talents to their best potential. which included me tapping into my creative self.. i began slowly redecorating rooms in our house, by going to antique malls and flea markets. then friends started asking for my help decorating their spaces~ what an honor! i LOVE helping people make their spaces become a home, where they feel peaceful, welcomed and inspired. i also began finding great vintage jewelry which eventually became part of my new hair pieces! a dear friend recently pointed out the verse Phil. 4:8 ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

i believe in a round about way that has been one of the things that has helped me so so much this past season, surrounding myself with beautiful people and excellent surroundings, and thinking on those things has kept me feeling joyful and inspired!

we are going to do my surgery hopefully by early feb. will has been asked to be a part of the new Sixpence None the Richer record and we are waiting to hear when that is going to be recorded so that we can make sure will can be involved with it~ also, speaking of will, this summer he was asked to record on the new Norah Jones record and it just came out~ you really should ck it out, its amazing!!! im so so proud of my sweet boy!

so lastly, our dear friend Reid Rolls was here staying with us last week and while he was here he took some incredible photos of our home and my hair pieces for us, well i submitted a few pics into my very FAVORITE website called design sponge.com they are going to feature our little house on their website this coming wednesday! i am so so honored to be on this site, if you have not checked it out before, do yourself a favor and do it now! it is absolutely breathtaking and awe inspiring! as many of you know i have a super hard time sleeping at night bc of my neck and the one thing that keeps me calm and happy during those restless nights is hours and hours of searching thru all the creativity of design sponge~

thanks for taking the time to read this and care about me...x0x0 ruthie sayles

update

hey guys! it has been a while! lots has been going on of late. i have been super busy lately and loving it. lets see, where to start. well, i feel like i have made some pretty big decisions of late, and am still praying that those decisions will become clear that they are the right decisions for will and i. i believe i am going to my surgery after the holidays. the more and more i thought about it. i was really wanting to be able to be present and apart of thanksgiving and christmas this year, especially since it will be the first holiday season without my daddy. and its really the only time of the year that we get to see all of the families...so we are hoping to do the surgery jan of 2010...which is still so so scary for me but is needed, so i guess it will be nice to move on to whatever the surgery brings. hopefully a good outcome!

so one really amazing thing that happened last month was my sweet daddy's amish friends (who were like family to him) came and stayed in my home last month and built us the most amazing fence in my daddys honor! it is the most gorgeous fence you have ever seen! they did the greatest job and did it all in one day! i felt honored to have them in my home and to have a piece of something my daddy loved so so much in my yard. it was super touching! and such a incredible gift to us!

also, after wills car broke down as we were driving home from my dads funeral in the spring (horrible timing) we have been looking and looking for a used (but new to us) car that we could have for a really long time, and finally found it thru the precious lemoines at richards honda, they are old family friends and were so amazing to us! we are so thankful to have a reliable car that i feel safe in. and i know we will use this car for atleast a good decade:) my sweet sweet husband is the one that technically needed the car but he has been allowing me to drive it just bc it is a good bit bigger than mine and i feel safer in it...he is so precious to me!

speaking of my boy, he is out on tour right now as the drummer for ten out of tenn, if they come anywhere near you, do yourself a favor and ck them out bc they are all amazing artists and people! my boy plays drums for all ten artists, he is one amazing talent!!!

i want to take a short break to speak about what a gift this precious man is in my life. in a week or two we will celebrate 5 years of marriage, i cant believe its been so long! but at the same time i feel like i have known will my whole life! will sayles is one of the most empathetic, kind hearted, talented, loving, gentle, funny, dear, selfless men i know. i am blown away by how well he loves me every day of my life. i CAN NOT imagine what this past season of life would have been like without my best friend, my love, my companion. so many nights he has just held me as i have screamed, cried, and yelled, with his arms wrapped around me it is such a gorgeous physical reminder to me of how my Jesus wont ever let me go either. will sayles is the best thing that has ever happened to me in this life. i am truly honored to call this man my husband and i just pray that i can be half the gift to him that he has been to me. i thank God for blessing me with such a man to walk thru this horrible season of life with me, thank you for loving me so so well. i am truly humbly blessed!

ok, no more gushing~ i am going to go out with will on tour next week to celebrate our anniversary...i will jump on the bus in philly, then go to boston and ny both for several days..i am so so excited. i love NY and cant wait to play with our dear friend caroline who we owe our lives to bc she introduced me to my boy!

then when i get back it will be my 30th bday! i cant believe it. honestly my life is quite diff then what i always thought i would be at 30...always assumed i would be a mom with 2 or 3 kids by now, to be honest that is the only dream i have ever really had...is to be a mom...this season has been so painful physically, and emotionally losing my daddy but has been equally as painful for me to not even consider motherhood right now. it breaks my heart to the core of my being. its not an option for me, and that feels horrible. i want to trust God that one day i will be a mom, and that i will get to see will be the amazing dad i know he will be. but right now it seems unobtainable and that breaks my heart. so this is a super depressing ending. and im not really sure why i was just that vulnerable on here~ i think it may be partly to the fact that i have not slept worth a damn since will left for tour last week:( oh well, guess i needed to get that out!

well, again thanks for caring for us and taking the time to read this~ ruthie

mayo visit

hey guys, sorry it has been a while since i have updated this, for some reason i have been putting it off for a while now. my visit to mayo was good, hard, but good. it was actually the first time i have been in a real hospital setting since my dad passed so that shook me up pretty good. i got really emotional when we first got there.. i think that and the fact that i have not visited with any neurosurgeons since before my benefit (reason being, will has been working a ton and i dont like to visit dr's without him there) so all of that combined, it was a pretty rough start....i met with 2 dr.s that are interested in doing my surgery together, one is a neurosurgeon and the other is a orthopedic dr. i felt very comfortable with the dr who would be heading the surgery up but sadly the surgery there would cost almost double than the most expensive of all the other drs i have met with up to now....so theres that. i am trying to just trust that the Lord will guide the right decision for us. its a really hard one though, i so wish we could go off experience but even the dr.s at mayo had never seen or heard of a case like mine, so we really have to go with our gut... please continue to pray for us in this decision, and if we are suppose to go with these dr's at mayo that we would trust that the Lord will in fact provide for us!

there is still one more dr i am hoping to visit with in miami, a sweet friend is working on it on this end and after we meet hopefully meet him we will make our decision. it has been a longer process than we have hoped for but i know we cant rush it.

i want to thank all of you for your prayers for our trip to mayo and for our sweet sweet friends im MN who housed us, fed us, gave us a car drive, and just loved on us so well, we love the Richters and the burkums! such precious friends to us! it was a huge gift to go to the richters house (who live a mile from mayo) and see their precious little boy sam who is just so filled with love and life to give, i instantly forgot i was so sad and heartbroken and just felt honored to be in their home and sharing life with them...same goes for some of our best friends the burkum's, we got to stay with them the night before we came home and our sweet friend ty flew in for just the day from the tour he is on and hung with us and cooked us an amazing meal! it was awesome! so there was great blessing surrounded by a hard but good trip to mayo! we are very blessed to have such amazing friends who love us so fully! THANK YOU!!!!

this week has been great, my brother and his family are currently at alpine camp for boys while my bro is the camp dr for the week... since they were so close my sister in law and their 4 precious kids came over on monday to spend the night with us... it was such an amazing start to the week to get to be with my precious fam that i love and adore so so much! im so so thrilled they came. it warmed my heart to spend the time will all my babies:) we had a fun night and invited over some of my best friends and their kids so we could all hang together. it was a awesome night!

again thanks for taking the time to read this, and care and pray for me. it means so very much! have a great weekend!

mayo

i feel very blessed that i have been given an opportunity to go to the mayo clinic, i know that the Lord has opened this door for us and i am hoping good things come of it.  i have a appt on july 13th with 2 dr's that are interested in doing my surgery together. one is an orthopedic surgeon and one is a neurosurgeon. i have a friend that was on a waiting list for a year to get in at mayo, so its pretty amazing that i got in so quickly.  one plus to having such a freak medical  situation is that dr's are pretty interested in getting their hands on me, which is great and scary all at the same time!   there is one other dr in miami named dr green that i am also trying to get in with. some sweet friends who have been patients of his are working on getting me in with him... after i meet with the drs at mayo and hopefully the dr in miami, will and i will make our decision on what dr to go with.  please pray for wisdom and clarity for us on which dr to choose.  this is a very overwhelming and scary process, but i know it has to happen.  all i really want is for things to go back to normal, it is sort of hard to go anywhere these days without people asking me about my neck and my surgery (which i know is all coming from a very caring and loving place) but sometimes i just want to feel normal, i want to do normal things and have normal conversations that dont always center around my neck or my daddy.  it is too hard to think about these things all the time, my mind really cant handle it! i guess what i am asking is, if you see me, i would love to hear what is going on with you, or if you want to pass on something positive or encouraging to say, thats awesome! i would love to hear it!  i would really just adore some normalcy in the midst of this crazy, hard season.  please know how much i appreciate all the sweet notes, letters, encouraging and thoughtful words, and i hold those things very close to my heart... i am just trying to be better at expressing my needs.  and what i need right now is all the normalcy i can get:) so if anyone in nashville ever wants to just hang out or do something fun, i would love that!  thanks again so much for reading this and caring about me.  i am so humbled by the love and care i have in my friends and family. you guys are amazing!!!!

photo gallery

here is a link to a photo gallery of the benefit, taken by laura dart...i was so blessed to have laura and cade and marcia truett take the most AMAZING pics of the night! i love being able to have that special event captured in film! it will forever be one of the best nights of my life! enjoy the pics!  http://dartphotographie.smugmug.com/photos/swfpopup.mg?AlbumID=8628578&AlbumKey=veqhS

the show! and video from the news!!!

i have not come down yet from last nights glorious benefit! it was truly one of the most special nights in my life next to the day i married my precious boy will.  the show was AMAZING! the turn out was fabulous, the auction was unreal and the love and care i felt was out of this world!!!!  i have never in my life had so many people from so many different seasons of my life be together in one place.  my heart could barely take it!  so so so many friends and family members that i love and adore! the night was dedicated to my daddy, which felt so appropriate to me.  i feel like in some way he had a huge hand in making last night the amazing night that it was!  THANK YOU THANK YOU! to all the wonderful friends and fam that made last night happen, donated your precious time and money and auction items, and to all the artists and their bands for doing such a special show for me, thank you!  i seriously feel silly trying to put words to how blessed and loved i feel for all that has been done/given to will and i. bc their truly arent words big or strong enough to tell you how thankful and blessed i feel to have the most amazing friends/family/community a girl could ever dream or ask for!  much love, ruthie

ps, the pic is of me and my sweet friend asher, he surprised me with that amazing photo of my precious daddy...he completely captured his joy and light...i was completely touched and floored..i will forever cherish that gift! 

this is a clip of the show from fox: http://www.fox17.com/newsroom/music_beat

/videos/vid_4.shtml

birds of hope

my dear friends kim and rachel pepper have set this beautiful website up for me to sell these adorable onesies to raise money for my surgery! honestly when i first saw the website i started crying so hard...i was so deeply touched that these girls would go thru all this trouble to do something like this for me!  it truly blows my mind!  when i read the sweet things she had to say i honestly didnt know who she was talking about!!! it was so undeserved!  i have been completely blown away by the thoughtfulness and generosity of our friends and our community! i am completely convinced that i have the GREATEST friends in the world! the Lord has so blessed me with such tenderness in giving me these wonderful people in my life....check out this website when you get a chance.  kim is so so talented! she makes the most precious clothing for children...if you want to order anything her email is on the left side of the page and you just email her what you want:) thanks for taking time to read this! much love, ruthie

http://www.birdofhope.blogspot.com

update

hey guys! sorry it has been a while since i have written..it has been a very full week! last thur will and i went to see his grandma in gatlinburg...she is so precious! she lives on the main strip of g-town right next to Ripley's Believe It or Not!! its so awesome! will has so many great memories growing up going to visit his grandparents, so its always so fun to go visit his family in east tenn. they are all such precious people...it was a fun, laid back long weekend~ 

wed. was such a neat day, i had lunch with my girls leslie and abby then i got a message from my sweet friends kellyann and claire indie at anthropology to come on over. when i got there they had already picked out about 15-20 dresses for me to try on in my size...they ended up buying my favorite dress for me to wear to my benefit show!!! we were all in tears, it was seriously one of the MOST thoughtful sweet gifts i could ever imagine! they both made me feel so pretty and so loved!! it has been such a treat in the midst of everything to have such fun things to look forward to and to do! THANK YOU SWEET FRIENDS!!! i seriously have the greatest friends in the world!  

the latest with dr visits is: a friend that lives in rochester, mn sent me a message last week saying that her husband is a pastor of a church there and they have an elder in their church who is a dr at the Mayo clinic...she has told him my story and he is going to try and help me get in with a good neck dr there...i sent my friend kellie my scans this week so she can give them to the elder...we are really hoping and praying that this works out...i have been told over and over that mayo is the best and that i should try and get in there~ i feel so blessed to have this chance bc it is SO hard to get in...i have another friend that was on a wait list for a whole year before she got in! so please pray that the Lord would open doors for me to go and that He would chose the right dr for my case...thanks so much! love, ruthie

benefit show june 4th

i forgot to mention earlier about the benefit show my precious friends are putting on here in nashville for me.  reason being, my insurance has a pre existing condition on it with my neck and back so they wont cover anything that has to do either~ pretty crazy!  the show is going to be so amazing, so far the artists playing are landon pigg, brooke waggoner, sixpence none the richer, griffin house,  mindy smith and erin mccarley! im beyond floored and honored! the show is going to be on june 4th at rocket town.  i believe there is also going to be a silent auction during the show.  kristen dabbs, talitha moak, kellie lutito and matthew morgan are all working so hard on this and it means so much to me to have these friends and artists doing this for me!  what a gift! im truly honored~ 

another dr visit

i had another dr visit in nashville today that was also very hard.  this dr agreed that the wire needed to come out soon, but what was confusing was he thinks i may need to also get the sort of fusion that will connect my neck to my skull, i would have no movement whatsoever up, down, left or right.  he also said that the wire removal is really risky and hard and he also has never seen it.  i know all of the dangers and how rare it is but it still doesnt make it any easier to hear again.   i had also been told previously that i could possibly need another fusion but i never heard that it would be such a drastic one...im so scared and sad about the whole thing.  its also so hard to hear different things from different dr's and to know who is right~ i have no clue!  it is all just too overwhelming for words~ all i could keep thinking while i was in the dr app was how much i wished my daddy was with me. somehow he could always make me feel safe, like everything would be ok.  i miss him so much it hurts. please just pray for wisdom to know what we are suppose to do and for me to not lose hope.  thanks again so much for taking time to read this. 

adventures~

wow, we had quite the adventure home and back! friday night was a really wonderful but sad night honoring my dad. he is now in the LSU hall of fame which is such a huge honor. saturday was a wonderful night celebrating the smart's wedding. it was quite beautiful!  sunday was my boy's birthday. we woke up and i told will to look out the front window of our room, there was a blow up slide that was about a story tall in our front yard! it was so fun to see lile, tim, will and all the kids going down this huge water slide! they had a blast:) it was pretty rainy but it didnt stop them~ 

tues was quite the adventure, will and i were driving home to nashville and we stopped to grab some lunch just outside of jackson, ms. when we started the car back up there was a huge popping sound and the car starting shaking~ we were outside of the food place for 6 hrs! such a mess! thank goodness wills best friend paul's dad lives there and he owns a car place. he sent the nicest guys to look and at our car and try and fix it. ended up having to tow it and having my sweet mom meet us to take us back home to st francisville to get my dad's truck.  we drove back to nash the next day...we had to stop and get the rest of our stuff out of wills car in jackson to put in my dads truck. one thing being this chair i was bringing back that i have had since i was a  little girl. literally 10 minutes outside of jackson it starts to rain so hard...my poor chair is probably ruined. its soaked thru and thru...i looked up and was like, "this black cloud just wont leave me alone! it follows me everywhere!" thats pretty much how this last season has felt... in the midst of all the yucky though i have been so amazed by everyones care and generosity~ it pretty much blows me away~ thanks everyone in jackson who offered us your cars to borrow, thanks sweet katie for taking us to meet my mom, and thanks so much to the moaks for all your help with getting our car taken care of! 

surprise!

will and i decided to drive down to La to surprise my mom last night. neither of us thought we would be able to be here this weekend so it was really fun to clear our schedules and get here to surprise her. she had been in new orleans for sweet elizabeth smarts's rehearsal dinner. when she saw us she just lost it, she was so excited! it was awesome! i know that coming home to a empty dark house is one of the harder things right now, so this made it so much better!
tonight we are going to LSU to a ceremony honoring my sweet daddy. he was suppose to host the event and now they are going to honor him and put him into some sort of hall of fame. im sure it will be very nice but also very hard.
tomorrow is the wedding of sarah and elizabeth smart. it will be such a wonderful celebration and im so thankful to be able to be here for it. the smarts have been such precious and dear friends of our family for as long as i can remember. my parents are also sweet lizzy's godparents. im excited to celebrate such a special day with them!
sunday is my boy's birthday. we have a really fun surprise planned for him~ its really nice to have some fun things to plan and to go to.
we are still trying to sort thru which dr's i should meet with. its very overwhelming to me. i have no clue who i should meet with or who i should go with to do my surgery! the hard part is no dr has ever seen a case like mine so we cant go with experience! so so scary. i am really struggling with feeling anxious and scared. actually i go from feeling deep sadness and loss to panic and anxiety..doesnt seem to be much of an in between~ it just feels like too much, i know the Lord says he wont give us more than we can handle but this feels like way too much to me...
thanks again for all the prayers, i believe that is what i need more than anything right now.
and thank you for taking the time to read this...

names

i so appreciate it when you guys comment, it means a ton to me that you care to read what i have to say...i just have a favor to ask, would you mind signing your name when you post something, alot of times i cant tell who wrote it...thanks a ton!

23 psalm

i would not consider myself a anxious person, but of late i often feel very anxious, scared and in full on panic mode~ i am so scared for my future. i do not want my husband and family to have to take care of me the rest of my life. it fears me to the core of my being! tonight i was feeling all of these thoughts and felt really sick to my stomach, i kept praying over and over, "Lord, please please take care of me, please comfort me, please give me peace." finally i opened my bible and it opened to the 23 psalm.  

The LORD Is My Shepherd

23The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green [1] pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest [2] my head with oil; my cup runneth over.6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of theLord for ever. [3]

i read it aloud several times until i calmed down, only the Lord can calm my soul and comfort me.  

dearest friends

i came home to nashville tonight to a home that had been re decorated by my dear friend evie, cleaned by my sweet friends leslie and abby, food from katie, chandeliers hung by the moak's, flowers from evie, and the sweet faces of all of these precious girls plus katherine! it made coming back to nashville feel alot better, i think a big part of me feels anxious to have left st francisville and my family, it sort of made everything feel finalized.. dont really know how to explain it, but i know it makes me feel very sad. i am so blessed to have such precious friends in my life who have loved me so very well, i keep asking the Lord to please show up and i think that one of the ways he is doing this is by giving me such wonderful friends. i am also SO touched bc the other day i got an email from my friend talitha and she said that she and kristen dabbs are going to organize a benefit concert here in nashville for me to raise money for my surgery! i am so touched and so honored by this that i hardly have words! it is quite a humbling experience, all of this. it is quite hard to receive. i am ready to be able to be on the other side and to give!

all of this to say, i am deeply touched by the rich love i feel from my dear friends and family, all the sweet notes, the around the clock prayers, phone calls, texts, emails, etc...i know how richly blessed i am! im sorry that i have not personally responded to everyone but please know how much it all means to me and i hold every word near and dear to my heart! feeling very loved, ruthie

my sweet dad

somehow this blog http://blog.beliefnet.com/crunchycon/2009/04/one-life-to-live.html. made it to my email, its from a man out of texas..he had a lot of wonderful things to say about my sweet daddy...its incredible how many people from all around have been touched by my fathers life...its been such an honor to hear all the stories! i have been thinking alot about how sad i am that if will and i are ever able to have our own children they will never get to know their papa..i think i am going to get a journal to write down as many memories that i can think of...here are just a few... every single day growing up whenever i would leave my daddy's presence he would always say, "i love you more than God can count, remember your manners, and always look out for the little guy" i rode to school every day with him and we use to always play this game where i would hold his two fingers as tight as i could and the second i loosened up he would try and jerk them out...i think it was just an excuse for me to hold his hand:) he always use to come into my room to watch me sleep and ck on me, so many times i could hear him crying just watching me...i never ever ever doubted my fathers unconditional love for me, he told me every single time he saw me or talked to me...and i always new how proud he was of me, he supported every single thing i did and bragged on me every chance he got...my father was such a beautiful picture of our heavenly fathers love...uncondtional love that would sacrifice all things for his children...i talked to my dad the day that he died, he was coming to see me the next day on his way home. he had told many people that he was coming to tell me that he was going to do whatever he needed to do to make my surgery happen, he said that he would sell everything he had~ how undeserving am i to have a father who loved me that much??!! there are so many thousands of wonderful memories..these are just a tiny few...i am so honored to say i am the daughter of lloyd lile lindsey jr!

dr visit

so, on monday i had a really hard dr visit with a neurologist here in baton rouge..in a nut shell he told me that my neck is as bad as any he has ever seen. that i already have a lot of signs in my hands and feet of spinal cord damage that prob cant be fixed...that the surgery that i have to have will very likely make my situation way worse and make me a lot less functional. but if i dont do it then i will certainly get way worse with time...apparently the broken piece of hardware in my neck is pointing directly into my spinal cord at c2 and its a really really bad deal....it was alot to take in, and im not sure that i have still fully grasped it...the reason i am mainly telling this is bc i know that i need my friends and family to be standing with me in faith that this wont be the case....i dont have alot of faith or hope right now so im asking you to stand with and for me...it means more than you know...
we also need prayer to find the right dr....none of the 6 dr's who have seen my films so far have ever seen a case like mine...not too comforting!! please pray with us to find the right guy that i can feel comfortable and confident with...thanks so much, ruthie

so touched

i first wanted everyone to know how touched my family and i have been by all the messages, calls, letters, food, kind words, etc...about my sweet dad...i have been amazed by the 1,ooo's who have stories of how my dad has touched their lives and made them feel loved and cared for...what a man! He will be greatly missed by so many..i am so honored to have a daddy like mine!
here is one of many news clips on my precious daddy~
http://www.wafb.com/global/video/flash/popupplayer.asp?ClipID1=3669565&h1=Lindsey%20laid%20to%20rest&vt1=v&at1=News&d1=156000&LaunchPageAdTag=News&activePane=info&rnd=34230416