update

hey guys! it has been a while! lots has been going on of late. i have been super busy lately and loving it. lets see, where to start. well, i feel like i have made some pretty big decisions of late, and am still praying that those decisions will become clear that they are the right decisions for will and i. i believe i am going to my surgery after the holidays. the more and more i thought about it. i was really wanting to be able to be present and apart of thanksgiving and christmas this year, especially since it will be the first holiday season without my daddy. and its really the only time of the year that we get to see all of the families...so we are hoping to do the surgery jan of 2010...which is still so so scary for me but is needed, so i guess it will be nice to move on to whatever the surgery brings. hopefully a good outcome!

so one really amazing thing that happened last month was my sweet daddy's amish friends (who were like family to him) came and stayed in my home last month and built us the most amazing fence in my daddys honor! it is the most gorgeous fence you have ever seen! they did the greatest job and did it all in one day! i felt honored to have them in my home and to have a piece of something my daddy loved so so much in my yard. it was super touching! and such a incredible gift to us!

also, after wills car broke down as we were driving home from my dads funeral in the spring (horrible timing) we have been looking and looking for a used (but new to us) car that we could have for a really long time, and finally found it thru the precious lemoines at richards honda, they are old family friends and were so amazing to us! we are so thankful to have a reliable car that i feel safe in. and i know we will use this car for atleast a good decade:) my sweet sweet husband is the one that technically needed the car but he has been allowing me to drive it just bc it is a good bit bigger than mine and i feel safer in it...he is so precious to me!

speaking of my boy, he is out on tour right now as the drummer for ten out of tenn, if they come anywhere near you, do yourself a favor and ck them out bc they are all amazing artists and people! my boy plays drums for all ten artists, he is one amazing talent!!!

i want to take a short break to speak about what a gift this precious man is in my life. in a week or two we will celebrate 5 years of marriage, i cant believe its been so long! but at the same time i feel like i have known will my whole life! will sayles is one of the most empathetic, kind hearted, talented, loving, gentle, funny, dear, selfless men i know. i am blown away by how well he loves me every day of my life. i CAN NOT imagine what this past season of life would have been like without my best friend, my love, my companion. so many nights he has just held me as i have screamed, cried, and yelled, with his arms wrapped around me it is such a gorgeous physical reminder to me of how my Jesus wont ever let me go either. will sayles is the best thing that has ever happened to me in this life. i am truly honored to call this man my husband and i just pray that i can be half the gift to him that he has been to me. i thank God for blessing me with such a man to walk thru this horrible season of life with me, thank you for loving me so so well. i am truly humbly blessed!

ok, no more gushing~ i am going to go out with will on tour next week to celebrate our anniversary...i will jump on the bus in philly, then go to boston and ny both for several days..i am so so excited. i love NY and cant wait to play with our dear friend caroline who we owe our lives to bc she introduced me to my boy!

then when i get back it will be my 30th bday! i cant believe it. honestly my life is quite diff then what i always thought i would be at 30...always assumed i would be a mom with 2 or 3 kids by now, to be honest that is the only dream i have ever really had...is to be a mom...this season has been so painful physically, and emotionally losing my daddy but has been equally as painful for me to not even consider motherhood right now. it breaks my heart to the core of my being. its not an option for me, and that feels horrible. i want to trust God that one day i will be a mom, and that i will get to see will be the amazing dad i know he will be. but right now it seems unobtainable and that breaks my heart. so this is a super depressing ending. and im not really sure why i was just that vulnerable on here~ i think it may be partly to the fact that i have not slept worth a damn since will left for tour last week:( oh well, guess i needed to get that out!

well, again thanks for caring for us and taking the time to read this~ ruthie